World's Dumbest Dog

So I get rid of the husband and kids, but I still have the dog.  She HATES to travel, and my husband claims not to be fond of her.  It made sense to leave her at home because most of the time she is low maintainence.  I took her on what was supposed to be a "quick walk" before supper.  On our way home, I cut through the back of our yard which I rarely do.  She stopped while I picked up a toy, then she started to roll . . . on something . . . very . . . gross.

I'll save the graphics (and I couldn't go back to see WHAT specificially it was because I had a gag relex working against me), but she rolled in something white that gooed all over her black fur and reaked to high heaven.  Did I mention this dog, though a retriever, HATES water?  I had to hose her down.  Since noone was home, I couldn't run in and get shampoo--I just had to spray this poor cowering, slimy, stinking thing.  I swear I can smell her now--and that was five hours ago.